Selfie Stick

"So like, I went to 'JB HI-FI' the other day and picked up the cooooolest present for Jase for his birthday! Check this out!", says the brown haired girl as she sits in the café opposite her friend.

She pulls out a black pole shaped object from her bag.

"Ohh cool!", says her friend enthusiastically. "What is it?".

"Oh my god, it's the coolest thing ever right!"

"Really??", says the friend excitedly.

"So you just like put your phone on the end of it here-"

"Yeah"

"And see this button on the handle here?"

"Yeah"

"Well you just like press that and it takes photos with your phone!"

"Oh cool!" says the friend, mildly surprised.

"It's a 'selfie stick', I've been using it heaps! So you can take selfies and no one can see your arm stretched out and you don't accidentally drop your phone!", says the brown haired girl.

Meanwhile, my girlfriend and I are trying to keep down our lunch and trying not to laugh whilst listening to this sick.

"Wowww! That's so awesome! I've never thought of that!", says the friend.

"Oh my god I had the best day of my life the other day! I took a thousand selfies with it. The day I got my selfie stick was like the best day of my life!", said the brown haired girl.

"I thought it was for Jase?"

"Oh. Yeah it totally is, but I just like, use it when he isn't, that's all", says the brown haired girl, slightly defensively.

"Oh my god, also do you remember Lisa from school?

"Yeah"

"Yeah well, she commented on one of my selfies on Instagram the other day and was all like "nice selfie stick!", haha. That's so funny, she must use one too I guess!"

The Australian Dream

As everyone is sitting down minding their own business and trying not to have anything to do with each other, he walks in with a speaker, and a microphone attached to it. I don't know why he thinks that this sort of thing would work here in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne, he obviously has not thought this through.

                                             

Ah, he doesn't seem to be able to speak English, that would explain why he does not realise this will work here.

In Spanish, the almost middle aged and balding gentleman begins to sing for money. Starting with the all time favourite "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper.

It is almost immediately obvious with that he does not understand the words that he is singing, and that he has simply remembered the sounds that are made within the song.

"When da berking day is none! Gurs dus wan na haf funnn"...

Good on him for trying I thought. He's probably come here in an effort to find himself. You know how it is, work on the farms, pick some cherries and strawberries, meet a girl, sing some music, go on a road trip. Probably going for that whole idea of a romantic get away to a foreign country so he can lose himself in order to find himself and then lose himself again.

Good on him I thought. Please the people, entertain them with your funny renditions.

Oh what? Why is he walking around to everyone? No. God damn it. I knew he'd want money for this, he wasn't good though. But I can't tell him that, plus he can't speak English anyway.

He did make me laugh in my head though. But look at all these irritated business types, I don't want to encourage this.

Actually maybe I should encourage him. Screw the business types, they need to chill out and have some fun, not be so uptight.

I don't know if I have any coins on me though.

I'll just check my wallet quickly, he's getting closer.

Crap. I don't have any coins. He's seen me!

I can't put it away now, or he'll think I changed my mind.

He wasn't worth a note though. Far out, I don't want to look like an ass hole.

I'll just give him a $5 that I got from when I broke that $20 earlier.

Crap! I spent it! I really don't want to give him my $10.

He's waiting for something.

Screw it, just take my god damn money. Should I ask him for change?

The Big Game

A once dapper man. A friendly man. A loving man. Now becoming an old man, about 60-70. Wearing his red and white team colours with pride, and watching his granddaughter with even more pride. The old man seems well kept and looked after. His granddaughter, no older than 8 wears the same team colours.

"Granddad, why was everyone so happy if we lost?" she asks, with obviously no clear understanding yet of a football game.

"Well there was two teams, you see. We are on the Swans team because that is what we chose, and a lot of other people are on the Hawks team. The Hawks team won the game, so all the Hawks people are very happy", he says with a hint of resentment.

"But that isn't nice of them to be so happy when we are sad. Why don't they feel sorry for our team?" she asks him with a mild tone of despair.

"Well, sport can often be bad like that when lots of people love it. People get very excited about who wins", he answers. "All the Hawks people might be wondering why you are not happy for them because the won."

"But I am happy for them, but I really wanted my team to win because it is my team", she says sadly.

A lady sitting next to them in the same team colours chimes in and says positively "Never mind about losing. It is only a game after all, plus we will win lots more games next season!", in an attempt to lighten the little girls mood.

"I guess so. But I might not go to the other ones that they win at. Anyway, I am happy that the Hawks won, but I wish we all got to be as happy as they are", she says dismally. "It isn't fair!" she continues while crossing her arms.

"It isn't fair is it, love" says the granddad, "But unfortunately that's just the way it happens sometimes. We can't win every single game, or that wouldn't be fair on all the other teams, would it?", he continues.

"I guess so", says the little girl, leaning her head on her Granddad's arm.

"Don't worry about things like this, honey. You are too young to let it bother you, wait and until you have everything else in your life sorted out", he says to her wisely. "And by the time that happens, you'll realise how unimportant it truly is, anyway".

"Don't you think it's important, Granddad?", she asks.

"It's only a game sweet heart. I enjoy it and I find it exciting, but really it is just a game and it isn't very important unless you are the person playing it. People should not get wound up about things that are so trivial", he says.

"What does that mean?"

"Trivial? If something is trivial then it is not important, and not a serious thing to be concerned about", he answers her.

"But why do lots and lots and lots of people love it then if it isn't important?", she questions.

"Well, that's because they enjoy it. And it takes their minds away from other things that are more serious and important to worry about", he tells her.

Upper Middle Bogans

She has way too much make-up on for a mother. I know she's young, but seriously? She must be single, she must spend more time on herself than with her own child. I guess that's her mother, she must get it from her, talk about 'mutton dressed as lamb'. That poor kid, can't they see he's just thrown up all over himself?

She is wearing blue 'jeggings', skater shoes and a top that's way too tight on her ex-baby belly. Not to mention her bleached blonde hair with black tips, and overload of make-up, and the infant in the pram. Then there's her mother, she looks slightly more... classy? I would not call her classy though. An upper-middle-bogan, to say the least. She's wearing jeans that are too tight, a top that's too small so her muffin top is showing, but she somehow pulls it off so it doesn't seem totally awful.

"Helloooo my beautiful darlin' boy! You are just bloody adorable, aren't you?", says his mother happily. "Say g'day to Nanna!".

- She still hasn't cleaned his chuck -

"When d'ya reckon he'll start talkin', Mum? I hope he isn't like undeveloped or anythin".

"Oh don't be silly darl', he's a bit young to start talkin yet.", she says comfortingly.

The girl gets her face in close to her son and makes kissing noises.

"Oh! That's adorable honey, let me get a photo of the two of ya together like that", says her mother excitedly.

"Awh just wait a sec, would ya? Let me clean him up first Mum!" she says in a rush. "Okay go ahead, don't take it if I look ugly though".

"Oh that's beautiful love, look at that!", she turns the phone around and holds it up so her daughter can see.

"Nice one Mum, I literally look hot in that! Can you send it to me? I wanna put it on my Instagram!", she says with a burst of excitement.

- She doesn't even know how to use the word 'literally' yet. Why on earth does she have a baby? -

"He really is beautiful, love. Hurry up and find a boyfriend already so you can give me a little girl too! You'd have beautiful girls honey!", says the girl's mother encouragingly.

"Well what about Shannon? You said Margo and you were gonna set him up on a date with me ages ago", she says to her mother defensively.

"She said he might be seeing a girl from his old high school now. I reckon he's just scared of the commitment though", says the mother speculatively.

- Wow! Am I actually hearing this? -

"God! Men are such pricks Mum. I don't know how you didn't split up with Dad earlier", says the girl angrily.

"That's right darl', they are pricks! And a prick is all they are good for. And that's the only thing they know how to work too!" she says with a laugh.

"God that's disgusting Mum, don't talk about that stuff!".

"It's only natural my love, you should know that by now!".

Because You Had A Bad Day

She stepped on to the carriage, pushing in front of her a trolley full of personal belongings. Baggy jeans, baggy shirt, black and blue around her left eye, dirty hair. She struggles to get the trolley over the gap between the train and the platform and almost loses everything. She is on the phone to her Mother, she obviously isn't having a great day, and she's trying to do something about it.

"I've just gotta get me self outta there ya know, Mum? I can't be there any more, he just isn't good enough for me these days", she says loudly.

"Yes Mum, I'm on the train now. He's at work, he's gonna get the fright of his life when he finds out I ain't there."

"Ya know Mum, this really isn't as easy as I thought it would be, I feel like I'm gonna cry 'cause I'm so pissed off with 'im! I just dunno what I'm supposed to do now! I can't stay at your house forever! Where am I gonna go?!", she says with distress.

"I didn't realise how bloody dependent I was on him until thinking about it now!"

"Yeah I know. I've gotta collect myself, I'll be there soon, I'll ring ya when I'm 10 minutes away. Thanks Mum."

She hangs up the phone. She begins to look through one of her large red and white plaid laundry bags for something. Eventually she pulls out a man's 'Ford Racing' cap and turns it over in her hands, inspecting it slowly. Presumably it belonged to her now ex.

She wears the hat for a few seconds and then puts her head in arms, on the edge of her trolley and begins to swear under her breath about the man she had just left.

"Do you want to talk about it, love?", asks an older woman with permed white hair.

She looks up at the older woman, teary eyed and while she wipes them with her hand she says "That's really nice of you darl', but I don't think it's really any of your business, is it?"

"Oh. I was only trying to make sure you're okay", she says, taken aback.

"Well I'm fine alright? I don't need to talk to anyone about it, I've got it under control thanks", she says abruptly.

"Well! When I see a lone woman crying to herself in public, I feel compelled. I apologise if I've offended you!", she says defensively and articulately. And with that, she turns around and stares out the window.

The woman rings her Mother, and sure enough 10 minuted after gets off the train. As the train is stopping, she gets up to get out, she hesitates to do something. Eventually, she builds up the courage and taps the older woman on the shoulder to apologise.

"I'm sorry about before, mate. Obviously I'm having a rough time, I really appreciate you trying to help me though. It's made me crappy day a lot better", she says softly.

"I'm glad I was able to help", says the older woman with a smile.

And with that they part ways, presumably never to see each other again.

Cows In The Meadow

How adorable he was, his white jumper, his blue overalls, his red sneakers, his red beanie and matching scarf. Sitting next to his mother on the train, with a grin from ear to ear, trying to contain his excitement for the fact that he is about to have his first train ride.

"Mum, Mum, Mum! Is it going to go really fast?" he asks her excitedly. "Do you think we are going to see cows like Dad said?", he added.

"Yes Tom, we are going to go fast!", she said with a laugh at her son. "It will be like an airplane on the ground! And we might see some cows, but we will be going very fast so you have to keep your eyes peeled for them!".

"Whoa! Will it really be that fast? Mum! Mum! The train is moving!" he squealed with excitement.

She laughs at her son and looks at him proudly as he stares out the window and watches everything going by.

"Wowww! What's that big thing called?", he asks while staring at a big piece of machinery enxt to the railway line.

"I'm not sure honey. But can you see that big hole in the ground there? That's called the Quarry. Do you know what they do there?"

"Corey?! That doesn't look like him!" he says with a squeal of laughter.

"Haha, no not Corey, a 'kw-or-ree' you silly boy. Do you know what they are?"

"'Kw-or-reeeeee'. Nope. What is it?" he says curiously.

"That's where they dig huge holes in the ground! And they find all types of treasures in them like diamonds, and coal, and limestone and even oil sometimes!", says the Mother enthusiastically.

"OIL?! Yuck! Is that the oil they use at McDonalds?"

"No no, it's a different type of oil. This oil can be used for cars and other machines. We don't put that kind of oil in our food. Not even McDonalds does that!"

"Do we use different oil?" he asks.

"Yes, we use Olive Oil. That comes from Olives, not from giants holes in the ground."

"LOOK, LOOK, MUM, MUM, MUM, THERE IS COWS OVER THERE! Wowwww!" He yells while running to the other side of the carriage to get a better view of the animals.

"I love this train, Mum! Can we always go on this train?"

"Well, I'm not sure about this one, but we can go on trains more often. Now that Dad is working in the city we can visit him more often at work and take a train to see him.", she said gladly with a big smile on her face.

"I can't wait to see Dad! Are going to have lunch with him? How much longer until we get there?"

"We are indeed going to get lunch with him! What would you like to eat? Sushi? It will be a little bit of a long time until we get there. Almost a whole hour!"

"Whoa. Is that a long time? Yeah I love Sushi! Sushi, sushi, sushi!" He says excitedly.

"It can sometimes be a long time. If it takes an hour to blink, then it is a VERY long time, but if it takes an hour to go to another country on a plane, then that is VERY quick!"

Sister-hood

Pre-pubescent children are always kind of awkward. They look awkward, they dress awkward, they act awkward, they think awkwardly. And in a world where they seem to be growing up much earlier than ever, it is humbling to see a child that still hold an innocent and naive mindset.

She was 12 years old, and she was on the train with her older sister. On their way out to the annual Melbourne show, it was the girl's first time going to the Show and she was very excited. She must have been at that awkward period of growing up, she was wearing pants that were too tight in some areas, too loose in others, and her jumper was too big.

"I'm sooo exciiited", blurted out the girl.

"That's good!", replied the older sister excitedly. "You will have sooo much fun there".

"Really?! Thank you for taking me big sis", she said looking up at her sister with a big smile.

"Yep. I remember going there when I was your age. I would go on ALL the rides I could, and pat ALL the animals, and I would eat and eat and eat until I felt sick".

"I'm so excited to go!", she said and then paused for a good few minutes.

"I love you so much Tayla", she said blatantly, looking up at her big sister with a smile again.

"Thank you very much" she replied with a smile. "I love you too".

"No, but I REALLY love you. And I love hanging out with you and I love talking to you", she said very matter of factly. "You are my best sister".

"Aw, that is very sweet Brianna. I love to spend time with you as well".

The younger sister, Brianna, began snuggling up to her sister and leaning her head on her shoulder with a big smile.

Other girls of roughly the same age, stared her down and whispered about her. They were on their way to the Show as well and believed they were much cooler since they had no guardians, at least not in sight anyway.

Children.

Strange beings.

They almost all have a significant level of innocence and naivety, however some seem to embrace it more than others, whilst some seem to reject it.

"Taylor? When we get home, can I sleep on your lap while we watch Up? I love falling asleep on your lap".

"Of course Brianna. I love you when we do that too".

"Are we going to have a fun day today?"

"Definitely!